Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

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Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:09 pm

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:34 am

=)) =)) =))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:41 am

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He was older than some of the others. He said, "Danged if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.

Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe, as the teacher requested. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"

"Well, heck, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you, I didn't know."

The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that thing, you dern well better own up to it!"

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:43 am

:))
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:45 am

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:53 am

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me."

"Can you tell me what comes after three?"

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven," answers little Johnny.

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?"

"A jack," answers little Johnny.
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:57 am

=))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:58 am

Ms Crabtree had been telling her 1st grade class the story of the discovery of America by Columbus. She concluded with, "And all this happened more than 500 years ago."

"Gosh!" exclaimed Little Johnny, "What a great memory you have!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Sat Feb 01, 2014 8:36 am

=))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:11 pm

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:19 pm

=)) =)) =))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:31 pm

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa. "And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest. "Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:32 pm

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:34 pm

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:36 pm

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:36 pm

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:37 pm

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:37 pm

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?" Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:43 pm

=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 4:17 pm

:D
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:09 pm

One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:09 pm

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:10 pm

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:11 pm

"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" "No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:11 pm

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:13 pm

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. 'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny. 'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.' Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever. 'Now what is it ?' asked his dad. 'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:13 pm

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:15 pm

Dad: "I heard you missed school yesterday." Little Johnny: "Not a bit."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:17 pm

Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?" His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?" Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:17 pm

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:18 pm

The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:18 pm

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:20 pm

Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?" "No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:20 pm

Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:22 pm

Teacher: How old is your father? Johnny: As old as I am. Teacher: How is it possible? Little Johnny: He became father only after I was born.
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:22 pm

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:23 pm

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby dogfan1 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:25 pm

Go boy Go! =))

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Re: Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes

Postby Eagle 1 » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:36 am

Your turn.
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